Getting a divorce is hard. It’s a loss and just like all losses we need time to grieve and come to terms by accepting our new lives. However, going through a divorce as Previvor seems extremely more unnerving than any typical divorce.
For me, it seems more difficult because my husband has been with me through my journey as a Previvor since day one. From the day of my diagnosis to the day I underwent a hysterectomy and a double mastectomy, and from thereafter. He was my best friend, the father of my two beautiful children, and was my husband.
When I was diagnosed as a carrier for the BRCA gene mutation I remember him saying that I shouldn’t worry. That I would not be in this fight alone and I could count on him to be by my side through it all.
When that day came he never fell short of his promise and I’m truly grateful to have had him in my life during those times. I was lucky enough to find a man who accepted me for having this gene and blessing me with two lovely children. All while knowing that I could genetically pass down the BRCA gene, making them carriers of this gene mutation, too.
It’s terrifying though that now I have to find someone who is willing to accept me. Just as my husband did. However, now I am older, I have two young children and cannot have any more, I have scars from my surgeries and no nipples!
Of course, it’s not that I HAVE to find someone to spend the rest of my life with, but I wouldn’t mind having a companion and sharing my life with someone. Most importantly, I want to find a new love to give my all to and for them to do the same for me.
Although I did point out what I think are my major flaws, I do realize that I shouldn’t beat myself up over them. Those are things in my life that have happened and if anything, they have made me into the person I am today and I don’t regret a single moment.
I was definitely a bit nervous to divorce my husband because I thought, “Well who else would love me and except me?” But that would have been the wrong choice. Mostly, because it wouldn’t be fair to either of us. What we had ended and for us to stay together would have spoiled our relationship.
It took a while for me to gain some confidence, but I came to accept my so-called “flaws.” I told myself that if anybody had something to say about me and not want me because of those “flaws” then they would not be meant for me. I would kick ‘em to the curb. MY BRCA2Gene may have started the fight but I am going to finish it….
My scars tell better stories than tattoos could ever tell. I am proud and blessed to say that I was on time and prevented any cancer from taking my life. I am a powerful person and want only positive energy around me. I don’t have to stick around for anybody who doesn’t want me.
I am a strong person and I am not ashamed to admit that I am afraid of getting back out there. Questions will come up, but I am willing to put my foot out there and not give up.
With motivation from my dear friend Alexia McLeod who told me, “You cannot empower others until you empower yourself.” I stand up proud in my own shoes and walk proudly as a beautiful woman ready to find love as a Previvor.